What is assertiveness? It is speaking your mind and allowing others to do the same. Assertive people:
Say what they think, feel and want. Assertive people understand that they have the right to express themselves. Speak directly, honestly and tactfully - without excuses, apologies or "beating around the bush" Respect others' rights as well. An assertive person doesn't try to intimidate. There is a big yet subtle difference between assertive, nonassertive and aggressive. Be ASSERTIVE and notice the difference.
Because being assertive has many benefits. Have you ever wished you could:
Speak your mind clearly and effectively?
Say "NO" without feeling guilty?
Feel better about yourself?
Improve your relationships with others?
Disagree without seeming hostile?
Feel in control of your life?
Ask for assistance when you choose?
Get respect from THOSE others?
START by evaluating your behavior.
Take out a piece of paper and start writing. Think about how you interact with your family, friends, and business associates. Answer the following questions and notice how you feel and discover if you are Assertive, Nonassertive or Aggressive.
ASSERTIVE
* Are you confident without being overbearing?
* Are you proud when you do something well?
* Do you say what you feel without being hostile to others?
* Can you resist peer pressure?
* Can you give and receive compliments gracefully?
* Do you respect yourself?
NONASSERTIVE
1. Are you afraid that others will not like you if you disagree with them?
2. Do you remain silent when something bothers you?
3. Do you feel guilty when you say "no" to a friend, relative or salesperson?
4. Is it difficult for you to give or receive criticism?
5. Are you reluctant to ask for assistance?
AGGRESSIVE
A. Do you demand rather than ask?
B. Are you verbally or physically abusive?
C. Do you feel angry when others disagree with you?
D. Do you explode when someone criticizes you?
E. Do you feel that you have to win, that to compromise is to loose?
Tune in tomorrow to find out what causes each of the above and the clues to moving from one to the other as you CHOOSE.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
How To Meet Women, Anytime, Anywhere, Part I
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it's good to see a guy up there in his 30's still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20's(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their 'dream girl"(who probably isn't giving them any anyway).
Hey…I'm sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, "dating" is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call 'em like I see 'em. (And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90's.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I'm about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I'll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or "approach positions"
The first one I'd like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it "the Blurt Out".
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you "blurt out" whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any "editing" on your part (Ok, here's an exception: if your first thought is, "Damn, I have to touch those breasts!" it's probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It's almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, "hey, I'm a sincere guy, with real guts. I'm telling you what I really think, and I'm putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?"
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, "Wow..you've got style to burn!" just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That's the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, "I realized if I kept hesitating, I'd never get to meet you and I'd kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I'm "Your Name Here"
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don't actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here's an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, "It's just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say "Hi"."
See the implied compliment? I didn't say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn't perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you'll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can't yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the "observation, comment or question". You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don't have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I'll ask myself is, "What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we'll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, "How do you like your Mercedes?" (See..simple question!)
Her response, "I love it. How do you like your SAAB?"
Ok, she's answering back, so I know at least she's friendly. I said, "I like it."
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, "It's too short."
She said, "What? The Mercedes. I think it's pretty long.
I said, "No, it's too short."
She said, "What is?"
I said,"Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive."
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, "I was talking about ME!"
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, "Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive trait."
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her "energy". For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments
about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite "approach position" the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, "I don't get it".
Usually, the response is, "Don't get what?" To which I always say, "The shirt. What's it mean?"
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, "Free the Afghans"!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, "who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?"
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn't need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the "Police Squad" movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as could, "Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do."
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn't stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, "Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don't make me call the management!"
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, "thinking loud"-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of "thinking loud".
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It's close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn't something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn't worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, "How long have you been a singer?"
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It's a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That's it for this issue. Next we'll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp today!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it's good to see a guy up there in his 30's still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid 20's(occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their 'dream girl"(who probably isn't giving them any anyway).
Hey…I'm sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is, the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call..
Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, "dating" is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call 'em like I see 'em. (And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90's.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I'm about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I'll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or "approach positions"
The first one I'd like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it "the Blurt Out".
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you "blurt out" whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any "editing" on your part (Ok, here's an exception: if your first thought is, "Damn, I have to touch those breasts!" it's probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It's almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, "hey, I'm a sincere guy, with real guts. I'm telling you what I really think, and I'm putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?"
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, "Wow..you've got style to burn!" just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That's the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, "I realized if I kept hesitating, I'd never get to meet you and I'd kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING. I'm "Your Name Here"
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don't actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here's an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, "It's just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power..so I had to say "Hi"."
See the implied compliment? I didn't say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn't perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you'll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can't yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the "observation, comment or question". You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you or the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don't have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I'll ask myself is, "What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on(which is our third approach position or attitude, so we'll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, "How do you like your Mercedes?" (See..simple question!)
Her response, "I love it. How do you like your SAAB?"
Ok, she's answering back, so I know at least she's friendly. I said, "I like it."
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, "It's too short."
She said, "What? The Mercedes. I think it's pretty long.
I said, "No, it's too short."
She said, "What is?"
I said,"Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive."
She smiled and said, "Thank you!"
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, "I was talking about ME!"
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, "Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discpline and elegance..it's a very rare and attractive trait."
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her "energy". For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments
about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite "approach position" the put-on. The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, "I don't get it".
Usually, the response is, "Don't get what?" To which I always say, "The shirt. What's it mean?"
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, "Free the Afghans"!.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS. You know..the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, "who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?"
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn't need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny. Or Groucho Marx. Or Leslie Nielsen from the "Police Squad" movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as could, "Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do."
My friend, who was sitting across from me said she couldn't stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying! I turned to her a minute later and said, "Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don't make me call the management!"
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, "thinking loud"-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of "thinking loud".
Approach Position #4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It's close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn't something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn't worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, "How long have you been a singer?"
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed. So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It's a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That's it for this issue. Next we'll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp today!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Attraction Secrets Of The TRUE Alpha Male
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
Recently, I got asked the following question, which has been coming up more and more lately:
"What's all this stuff about being a "cocky/funny" "Alpha" male? Is it true that "busting" on a woman and being "Alpha" is what it really takes to get the kind of hot women most men really want?"
You know, it's kind of flattering when I get these kind of questions. It shows that the huge numbers of Ross Jeffries impersonators and imitators are still falling flat on their faces trying to eat my dust in the "Get Girls" advice game.
Look: there is nothing wrong, per se, with being "cocky and funny". Hell,. I even gave advice on exactly how to do this way back in 1988 when I wrote my original book, "How To Get The Women You Desire Into Bed".
But cocky and funny, by itself, is not going to get you laid, unless you happen to already be so good looking that she gets a tingle in her clit just by looking at you.
What cocky and funny can do is get you past her initial, "Is this just another loser guy?" screening tests. It will get her attention, and hold it..for a little while. It will get you past her first set of screens and keep you in here…for a little while.
The Problem With Always "Busting" On Women!
The problem is, "busting" a girl like this eventually has to turn into something better and deeper or she is going to get bored, insulted and blow you off, unless as I said before, you happen to be so good looking you make her wet just by standing their.
Really, you need to take the advice you get from some of these "cocky funny" and "alpha male" dudes with a huge grain of salt. Can you really get women just by doing what a great looking guy does to get them?
Could you win a fist fight in a bar by doing what a guy who is 6 foot 10 and 350 lbs of solid muscle does to win a fight-just make sure you throw the first punch and then jump on the guy?
So, cocky and funny will get attention and get you in the door. But then, as I keep saying, you need to be able to lead the conversation into the topics and themes that are most likely to trigger her deep and intense feeling "recipes" so you can STICK YOUR DOUGH IN HER OVEN and BAKE YOUR COOKIES, good buddy!
Now, as for this alpha male crap-holy friggin' frijoles.
The stuff I read about this from my "rival" Gurus really makes me want to tear out my hair and scream.
First of all, these guys are postulating some kind of evolutionary biological mechanism in a woman's mind that somehow makes her ready for mating if you just act tough and push her around, and constantly show her who is the boss.
Aside from the fact that there is, in fact, no scientific evidence at all for such theories (and in fact, studies of our closest genetic relatives, the pygmy chimp or bonobos show the opposite-that it is the males who are co-operative and stick around to help with the infants that actually get laid the most!) it misses a larger point.
It is NOT that women like "Alphas", however badly defined that may be.
****************************************************************
SPECIAL NOTICE: To see a free video clip of me discussing the "nice guy/alpha guy" problem, just go right now to:
http://www.speedseduction.net/audvid/nomorefear.mov
***************************************************************
The reality is that humans, male and female, like and respond to LEADERSHIP. And LEADERSHIP has little or nothing to do with the silly, teenage, juvenile posturing and high school games these "Double Your Masturbating" guys are teaching you.
Now LEADERSHIP isn't just about being bossy or pushing people around. LEADERSHIP is about having a twin set of skills, a set of skills that both balance and compliment each other.
Those are the skills of being able to strongly guide and set the direction and also being able to listen and gather information.
The problem with always being "Alpha" as defined by wanna-be Ross Jeffries imitators, is that it requires you never co-operate, never relax or loosen up, and most importantly never listen to or gather information about the woman you desire.
In the mind of these buffoons(and I'm being charitable with the name calling here-these guys should be seriously horse-whipped) asking questions and gathering information about a woman is viewed as trying to "prove" or "qualify" yourself and makes you look like a pussy.
In fact, listening to a woman while you set a strong direction and remain in the lead is an IDEAL combination for rapidly appearing to her as very attractive.
Nice Guy Vs. Jerk-A Totally False Choice To Screw Up Your Mind
The problem is, we guys are given a false choice between two bad extremes:
1. Be the "nice guy". The problem with nice guys is, they
not only listen to a woman to find out where she is at, they actually wind up GOING THERE THEMSELVES, totally losing themselves in her emotions, desires and wants. They let her reality over take and rule their own! YUCCH!
2. Be the "jerk". Now, jerks have no problem holding a strong desire and intent. The problem is, they don't' care at all about a woman's reality so they never even bother really find out who she is, what would really deeply please her and so they wind up having to constantly recruit new women to sucker in! Again, YUCCH!
Leadership: The True Skill And Challenge!
The true skill set is being able to keep your own desire and intent strong, while at the same time recognizing, listening to, and gathering information about the other person. THIS ability is a core, key skill to not only being truly "Alpha" with women, but to being a leader in life in general, not just with women, but with men as well.
And this ability is part of what gives women that positive "vibe" that makes them drawn to you.
Another aspect of being truly "Alpha", in terms of being a leader, is the ability to look at what you are doing in your
behavior and thinking with both ruthless clarity and total and complete compassion and non-blaming.
You see, most people won't even look at their mistakes, for fear they can't correct them or for fear that they will hate themselves and beat themselves up over them.
And the few who will look at their mistakes usually get so depressed or angry about it, they fail to really ever correct them.
So I'm here to tell you that this very rare form of believing in yourself-the ability to embrace your mistakes and quickly learn from them without attaching pain, blame or self-hate puts you ahead of 99.9999% of the population on this planet.
And it is exactly THIS kind of super-rare real "confidence"-the confidence to move ahead and keep improving yourself and trying new things- that will make you massively attractive to women in a way that they won't be able to "put their finger" on.
Remember, unlike us guys, women pick up on "VIBES". This "vibe" of true Alpha will get them so hot and horny, they won't understand why they are wetting themselves around you. And you'll never have to put them down, act like a moron, or "bust" on them like a High School boy who's got a crush on some girl in study hall.
This is the real, dignified confidence of a TRUE LEADER, a
man.
True, Deep-Level Self-Control: Catnip To Women!
The final aspect of a being alpha is being able to gain control over your beliefs, intent, awareness and design for yourself the kind of person you would like to be. This requires not just the use of will, but also of imagination and envisioning yourself and your future. Again something that requires discernment, discipline and direction.
Are you really going to get this from grown men who are
still advising you act like a High School boy, "busting" on that cute girl in study hall?
I really don't think so.
Becoming a TRUE leader, a real "Alpha" may be a bit more complex and require more discernment, direction and depth on your part. But it's THE way to attract and enjoy women you can like, love and respect. Something the "Alpha/Pick Up" "gurus" haven't got a clue about and could never, ever teach about or tell you.
Think about it….
Til next issue,
Piece and Peace,
Ross
P.S. By now, you ought to realize, for all your own reasons, you WANT a Speed Seduction(R) Home Study Course! Just go to:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Recently, I got asked the following question, which has been coming up more and more lately:
"What's all this stuff about being a "cocky/funny" "Alpha" male? Is it true that "busting" on a woman and being "Alpha" is what it really takes to get the kind of hot women most men really want?"
You know, it's kind of flattering when I get these kind of questions. It shows that the huge numbers of Ross Jeffries impersonators and imitators are still falling flat on their faces trying to eat my dust in the "Get Girls" advice game.
Look: there is nothing wrong, per se, with being "cocky and funny". Hell,. I even gave advice on exactly how to do this way back in 1988 when I wrote my original book, "How To Get The Women You Desire Into Bed".
But cocky and funny, by itself, is not going to get you laid, unless you happen to already be so good looking that she gets a tingle in her clit just by looking at you.
What cocky and funny can do is get you past her initial, "Is this just another loser guy?" screening tests. It will get her attention, and hold it..for a little while. It will get you past her first set of screens and keep you in here…for a little while.
The Problem With Always "Busting" On Women!
The problem is, "busting" a girl like this eventually has to turn into something better and deeper or she is going to get bored, insulted and blow you off, unless as I said before, you happen to be so good looking you make her wet just by standing their.
Really, you need to take the advice you get from some of these "cocky funny" and "alpha male" dudes with a huge grain of salt. Can you really get women just by doing what a great looking guy does to get them?
Could you win a fist fight in a bar by doing what a guy who is 6 foot 10 and 350 lbs of solid muscle does to win a fight-just make sure you throw the first punch and then jump on the guy?
So, cocky and funny will get attention and get you in the door. But then, as I keep saying, you need to be able to lead the conversation into the topics and themes that are most likely to trigger her deep and intense feeling "recipes" so you can STICK YOUR DOUGH IN HER OVEN and BAKE YOUR COOKIES, good buddy!
Now, as for this alpha male crap-holy friggin' frijoles.
The stuff I read about this from my "rival" Gurus really makes me want to tear out my hair and scream.
First of all, these guys are postulating some kind of evolutionary biological mechanism in a woman's mind that somehow makes her ready for mating if you just act tough and push her around, and constantly show her who is the boss.
Aside from the fact that there is, in fact, no scientific evidence at all for such theories (and in fact, studies of our closest genetic relatives, the pygmy chimp or bonobos show the opposite-that it is the males who are co-operative and stick around to help with the infants that actually get laid the most!) it misses a larger point.
It is NOT that women like "Alphas", however badly defined that may be.
****************************************************************
SPECIAL NOTICE: To see a free video clip of me discussing the "nice guy/alpha guy" problem, just go right now to:
http://www.speedseduction.net/audvid/nomorefear.mov
***************************************************************
The reality is that humans, male and female, like and respond to LEADERSHIP. And LEADERSHIP has little or nothing to do with the silly, teenage, juvenile posturing and high school games these "Double Your Masturbating" guys are teaching you.
Now LEADERSHIP isn't just about being bossy or pushing people around. LEADERSHIP is about having a twin set of skills, a set of skills that both balance and compliment each other.
Those are the skills of being able to strongly guide and set the direction and also being able to listen and gather information.
The problem with always being "Alpha" as defined by wanna-be Ross Jeffries imitators, is that it requires you never co-operate, never relax or loosen up, and most importantly never listen to or gather information about the woman you desire.
In the mind of these buffoons(and I'm being charitable with the name calling here-these guys should be seriously horse-whipped) asking questions and gathering information about a woman is viewed as trying to "prove" or "qualify" yourself and makes you look like a pussy.
In fact, listening to a woman while you set a strong direction and remain in the lead is an IDEAL combination for rapidly appearing to her as very attractive.
Nice Guy Vs. Jerk-A Totally False Choice To Screw Up Your Mind
The problem is, we guys are given a false choice between two bad extremes:
1. Be the "nice guy". The problem with nice guys is, they
not only listen to a woman to find out where she is at, they actually wind up GOING THERE THEMSELVES, totally losing themselves in her emotions, desires and wants. They let her reality over take and rule their own! YUCCH!
2. Be the "jerk". Now, jerks have no problem holding a strong desire and intent. The problem is, they don't' care at all about a woman's reality so they never even bother really find out who she is, what would really deeply please her and so they wind up having to constantly recruit new women to sucker in! Again, YUCCH!
Leadership: The True Skill And Challenge!
The true skill set is being able to keep your own desire and intent strong, while at the same time recognizing, listening to, and gathering information about the other person. THIS ability is a core, key skill to not only being truly "Alpha" with women, but to being a leader in life in general, not just with women, but with men as well.
And this ability is part of what gives women that positive "vibe" that makes them drawn to you.
Another aspect of being truly "Alpha", in terms of being a leader, is the ability to look at what you are doing in your
behavior and thinking with both ruthless clarity and total and complete compassion and non-blaming.
You see, most people won't even look at their mistakes, for fear they can't correct them or for fear that they will hate themselves and beat themselves up over them.
And the few who will look at their mistakes usually get so depressed or angry about it, they fail to really ever correct them.
So I'm here to tell you that this very rare form of believing in yourself-the ability to embrace your mistakes and quickly learn from them without attaching pain, blame or self-hate puts you ahead of 99.9999% of the population on this planet.
And it is exactly THIS kind of super-rare real "confidence"-the confidence to move ahead and keep improving yourself and trying new things- that will make you massively attractive to women in a way that they won't be able to "put their finger" on.
Remember, unlike us guys, women pick up on "VIBES". This "vibe" of true Alpha will get them so hot and horny, they won't understand why they are wetting themselves around you. And you'll never have to put them down, act like a moron, or "bust" on them like a High School boy who's got a crush on some girl in study hall.
This is the real, dignified confidence of a TRUE LEADER, a
man.
True, Deep-Level Self-Control: Catnip To Women!
The final aspect of a being alpha is being able to gain control over your beliefs, intent, awareness and design for yourself the kind of person you would like to be. This requires not just the use of will, but also of imagination and envisioning yourself and your future. Again something that requires discernment, discipline and direction.
Are you really going to get this from grown men who are
still advising you act like a High School boy, "busting" on that cute girl in study hall?
I really don't think so.
Becoming a TRUE leader, a real "Alpha" may be a bit more complex and require more discernment, direction and depth on your part. But it's THE way to attract and enjoy women you can like, love and respect. Something the "Alpha/Pick Up" "gurus" haven't got a clue about and could never, ever teach about or tell you.
Think about it….
Til next issue,
Piece and Peace,
Ross
P.S. By now, you ought to realize, for all your own reasons, you WANT a Speed Seduction(R) Home Study Course! Just go to:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Friday, March 12, 2010
How To Transform Your Self-Image With Women!
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
Last issue, we talked a bit about how to interrupt and overcome the response of being fearful or shy or hesitant around women.
In this issue, we will continue with this thread. I want to start you on the process of doing a lot more than overcoming being "shy". I want to start you on the process of programming your subconscious mind for outrageous confidence, power and charm!
This is a subject about which I actually have some trouble writing, simply because I've evolved and created so many techniques that have helped so many thousands of guys, it's hard for me to know where to begin!
Does it seem like I'm bragging? Well, as they say in Missouri, it ain't bragging if..
....You Really Can Do What You Say You Can!
Alrighty then. There is a fundamental principle of the human mind I want you to really understand and incorporate and it explains why some people really can change their lives while other just stay hoping, wishing and stuck. It is a rule about how the human brain and mind work that controls a great deal of what we can do. And here it is:
While Your Brain May Be Attracted To Doing Something Different, Usually Brains Only DO What Is Familiar
Basically what I am saying here is, people tend to do what they are used to. People tend to think like they are used to thinking and feel like they are used to feeling.
Yes, they may WANT to, on some level, change.
But the reality is, given a situation in the real world, if you are used to acting, feeling and thinking in a certain way, just vaguely wishing you could be different ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING AT ALL.
The key to any kind of real change, then, is mental rehearsal. You must learn to program in the way you like to feel, act, think, believe and respond and do so with sufficient repetition that the new feelings, actions, thoughts and beliefs are perceived by your brain as being more powerful, more vivid, more real and more familiar…
Than The Way You Used To Be!
I will say this again, because it is so imporant. It is NOT enough to realize you want to change. It is not enough to even THINK about changing. If you want a change, especially a change that is radically different, you must…
Vividly Mentally Rehearse It!
Now, I am not the first person to talk about mental rehearsal or it's dirty little new age cousin, "guided visualization". The problem with most of these methods, as presented is,
They Simply Do Not Work!
That's not because the people who teach or write about them don't care. It's simply because they are either leaving out vital ingredients to "make the recipe work" or because they are adding in stupid stuff that just doesn't belong.
So let me give you some vital keys to make mental rehearsal work for you, so in a matter of a few short weeks you can totally reprogram the deepest levels of your mind for the kind of beliefs, attitudes, awareness, behaviors and timing to bring you outrageously magnetic confidence and power with women.
Key #1: The role of breath. As I pointed out last issue, breathing is of vital importance for making any deep level change.
We could get into all sorts of meta-physical explanations but let's keep it scientific for a while at least. The scientific fact is that if you have a prolonged fear or anxiety response, eventually the limbic part of your brain that controls the flight/fight response gets progressively triggered by the smallest inputs, like a car alarm that goes off when a cat walks by.
Unless you interrupt this limbic over-drive, any programming you try to do with the other levels of the brain and mind are going to get sabotaged and disrupted, so change will take much more "will power" and fighting yourself.
We want to do things the easy way.
So the first step in doing your mental rehearsal for power with women will be to take ten minutes to do your breathing as taught in the previous newsletter. And if you aren't willing to take ten minutes for yourself to succeed with women…
Pack It In Now Buckwheat And Make Some More Room On The Planet!
Key #2: Understanding and using the two kinds of visualization.
Alright, this is not that hard to understand, but it is a key reason why most visualization and guided imagery is usually an exercise in mere mental whacking off. If visualizing and mental rehearsal has never before worked for you, this is why, and now I promise it will.
(By the way, if you are one of those people who thinks "I can't visualize at all" I have ways to fix that too, but it's beyond the scope of this newsletter. You can contact me privately: sandworm77@comcast.net).
Anyway, there is the kind of visualization where you see yourself in the images. It's like watching a home movie of yourself, so you see your image of what you are doing or experiencing, how you are acting, etc.
This image which is useful for motivation and setting an overall direction for your mind is called disassociated. It means you are watching your self go through an experience, but you are not actually in the image so you don't feel very much, if anything, of the feelings of being there.
The Power Of Associated Imagery
The second kind of visualizing is where you do not see yourself in the images, but you see what you would actually see if you stepped into the image and were really there, looking out through your own eyes. We call this associated imagery, and this kind of imagery is what is most useful for fully rehearsing new behaviors, responses, emotions and thoughts.
The key to proper mental rehearsal that really works is to first use a dissociated set of images; seeing yourself the way you would like to look, talk, and act and then to switch to associated images, stepping inside the pictures and actually moving, talking, thinking, and feeling the way you'll move, talk, think and feel when you are actually in the real situation.
Does this make sense?
First seeing the disassociated images of the way you want to be sets a guide post and a direction for your brain, so it gets an overall idea.
Then, seeing the associated images and actually walking around making the actual physical movements, talking out loud the way you'd speak, doing what you'd be actually doing FILLS IN THE DETAILS FOR YOUR BRAIN.
An Example Of A Mental Programming Session For Confidence And Power With Women The Two Kinds Of Visualizing…Plus A Special "Boost"!
Before I give you this practice, remember that the process of re-programming your subconscious mind for success with women is just that, a process. That means it takes some repetition and practice for the new thoughts, attitudes, behaviors and feelings to take root and take hold.
So you should practice this once a day for 2-3 weeks before you expect to see any results, though some people see results immediately
Ok then…
Pick a situation-a specific context-where you'd like to have more power and confidence with women.
Let's say it is in the initial approach or walk up.
The first thing I want you to do is sit comfortably on the flow and energize yourself with some of the breathing exercises (a key to making this work) that I've discussed before or breathing exercises you find in any good book on yoga or meditation.
The next thing I want you to do is mentally create a place in your mind where you believe anything is possible.
To do this, begin counting backward in your mind as follows:
Visualize the number 3. See it 3 times, as in 3, 3, 3. Then see the number 2 and visualize it 3 times as in 2, 2, 2. Finally, see the number 1, three times as in 1, 1, 1. Mentally say each number as you see it in your mind.
Now, stand up. Imagine in front of you, a circle, on the ground. Use your actual physical arm and make the motion of drawing the circle on the ground.
Look at the circle and thing of it as a place where ANYTHING can be made possible. Where anything can be made real. Where anything can be created. Then step into it.
Ok. Now, imagine that situation where you want to be more confident and powerful with women. See the image of how you would look when you are that confident. See yourself acting, talking, standing, moving and feeling as you would like to.
This is your disassociated image.
Using Your Associated Imagery
Now, take a step forward and imagine you are actually stepping into the image so you are walking, breathing, talking from that place. See what you would actually see from you own eyes if you were there. Feel what you would feel.
Now, for an extra boost of confidence, step outside yourself and step into the woman you are meeting. Imagine you are looking at yourself through her eyes, feeling how excited she feels to meet you, hearing her voice in her head saying, "Wow..this guy is hot."
Finally step back out of her and see your confident,
powerful self again, disassociated. Mentally give yourself a command that this self will be there for you, with all the qualities, behaviors, insights, attitudes and timing you need for total success with women.
Key #3 The Power Of Letting It Go
Once you've done your mental rehearsal and visualization for the day, you must dismiss it from you mind and LET IT GO.
Too often, we are taught that to get something we really want or a change we really want in ourselves, we have to constantly think about it, keeping our "goal" in the front of our mind.
In fact, this over-motivation is a load of crap that just keeps people stuck.
You have to find the proper level of motivation to create change, and that involves knowing when to just dismiss it from your mind and let it go.
It's sort of like baking cookies in an oven (here we go with baking analogies again; first it was recipes, now it's cookies!). If you put the dough in the oven but keep opening the oven door every 30 seconds to check if the cookies are done, they will never get finished!
In fact, this constant thinking if you are progressing or not or if it is working is just another form of doubt. You see, "hope" and "doubt" are really the same thing. They both involve uncertainty.
Once you've done your mental rehearsal, you need to let it go. Just release it, relax and know it will be there for you in the real world.
Ok. I think I've already over-loaded you a bit. Next issue, I will take you through an actual, structured, guided-visualization/mental rehearsal that you can learn to do on a daily basis to super-charge your confidence, power and success with women.
Til then,
Peace and Piece,
Ross
P.S. No matter where you may be with your success with women, you can always break through and make huge leaps and jumps. I've seen it with my students, time and again.
To watch a student make his breakthrough, just go here:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj180.asp
Remember, where ever you have been with women, up to now, is has been based on what you were taught, what you knew how to do, up until now, with the tools you had at your disposal.
Given new tools, new ways of operating, new ways of thinking, you can and WILL do better, much better. I've seen it with students, THOUSANDS of times. So jump on over to http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
and get your Home Study Course right now!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Last issue, we talked a bit about how to interrupt and overcome the response of being fearful or shy or hesitant around women.
In this issue, we will continue with this thread. I want to start you on the process of doing a lot more than overcoming being "shy". I want to start you on the process of programming your subconscious mind for outrageous confidence, power and charm!
This is a subject about which I actually have some trouble writing, simply because I've evolved and created so many techniques that have helped so many thousands of guys, it's hard for me to know where to begin!
Does it seem like I'm bragging? Well, as they say in Missouri, it ain't bragging if..
....You Really Can Do What You Say You Can!
Alrighty then. There is a fundamental principle of the human mind I want you to really understand and incorporate and it explains why some people really can change their lives while other just stay hoping, wishing and stuck. It is a rule about how the human brain and mind work that controls a great deal of what we can do. And here it is:
While Your Brain May Be Attracted To Doing Something Different, Usually Brains Only DO What Is Familiar
Basically what I am saying here is, people tend to do what they are used to. People tend to think like they are used to thinking and feel like they are used to feeling.
Yes, they may WANT to, on some level, change.
But the reality is, given a situation in the real world, if you are used to acting, feeling and thinking in a certain way, just vaguely wishing you could be different ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING AT ALL.
The key to any kind of real change, then, is mental rehearsal. You must learn to program in the way you like to feel, act, think, believe and respond and do so with sufficient repetition that the new feelings, actions, thoughts and beliefs are perceived by your brain as being more powerful, more vivid, more real and more familiar…
Than The Way You Used To Be!
I will say this again, because it is so imporant. It is NOT enough to realize you want to change. It is not enough to even THINK about changing. If you want a change, especially a change that is radically different, you must…
Vividly Mentally Rehearse It!
Now, I am not the first person to talk about mental rehearsal or it's dirty little new age cousin, "guided visualization". The problem with most of these methods, as presented is,
They Simply Do Not Work!
That's not because the people who teach or write about them don't care. It's simply because they are either leaving out vital ingredients to "make the recipe work" or because they are adding in stupid stuff that just doesn't belong.
So let me give you some vital keys to make mental rehearsal work for you, so in a matter of a few short weeks you can totally reprogram the deepest levels of your mind for the kind of beliefs, attitudes, awareness, behaviors and timing to bring you outrageously magnetic confidence and power with women.
Key #1: The role of breath. As I pointed out last issue, breathing is of vital importance for making any deep level change.
We could get into all sorts of meta-physical explanations but let's keep it scientific for a while at least. The scientific fact is that if you have a prolonged fear or anxiety response, eventually the limbic part of your brain that controls the flight/fight response gets progressively triggered by the smallest inputs, like a car alarm that goes off when a cat walks by.
Unless you interrupt this limbic over-drive, any programming you try to do with the other levels of the brain and mind are going to get sabotaged and disrupted, so change will take much more "will power" and fighting yourself.
We want to do things the easy way.
So the first step in doing your mental rehearsal for power with women will be to take ten minutes to do your breathing as taught in the previous newsletter. And if you aren't willing to take ten minutes for yourself to succeed with women…
Pack It In Now Buckwheat And Make Some More Room On The Planet!
Key #2: Understanding and using the two kinds of visualization.
Alright, this is not that hard to understand, but it is a key reason why most visualization and guided imagery is usually an exercise in mere mental whacking off. If visualizing and mental rehearsal has never before worked for you, this is why, and now I promise it will.
(By the way, if you are one of those people who thinks "I can't visualize at all" I have ways to fix that too, but it's beyond the scope of this newsletter. You can contact me privately: sandworm77@comcast.net).
Anyway, there is the kind of visualization where you see yourself in the images. It's like watching a home movie of yourself, so you see your image of what you are doing or experiencing, how you are acting, etc.
This image which is useful for motivation and setting an overall direction for your mind is called disassociated. It means you are watching your self go through an experience, but you are not actually in the image so you don't feel very much, if anything, of the feelings of being there.
The Power Of Associated Imagery
The second kind of visualizing is where you do not see yourself in the images, but you see what you would actually see if you stepped into the image and were really there, looking out through your own eyes. We call this associated imagery, and this kind of imagery is what is most useful for fully rehearsing new behaviors, responses, emotions and thoughts.
The key to proper mental rehearsal that really works is to first use a dissociated set of images; seeing yourself the way you would like to look, talk, and act and then to switch to associated images, stepping inside the pictures and actually moving, talking, thinking, and feeling the way you'll move, talk, think and feel when you are actually in the real situation.
Does this make sense?
First seeing the disassociated images of the way you want to be sets a guide post and a direction for your brain, so it gets an overall idea.
Then, seeing the associated images and actually walking around making the actual physical movements, talking out loud the way you'd speak, doing what you'd be actually doing FILLS IN THE DETAILS FOR YOUR BRAIN.
An Example Of A Mental Programming Session For Confidence And Power With Women The Two Kinds Of Visualizing…Plus A Special "Boost"!
Before I give you this practice, remember that the process of re-programming your subconscious mind for success with women is just that, a process. That means it takes some repetition and practice for the new thoughts, attitudes, behaviors and feelings to take root and take hold.
So you should practice this once a day for 2-3 weeks before you expect to see any results, though some people see results immediately
Ok then…
Pick a situation-a specific context-where you'd like to have more power and confidence with women.
Let's say it is in the initial approach or walk up.
The first thing I want you to do is sit comfortably on the flow and energize yourself with some of the breathing exercises (a key to making this work) that I've discussed before or breathing exercises you find in any good book on yoga or meditation.
The next thing I want you to do is mentally create a place in your mind where you believe anything is possible.
To do this, begin counting backward in your mind as follows:
Visualize the number 3. See it 3 times, as in 3, 3, 3. Then see the number 2 and visualize it 3 times as in 2, 2, 2. Finally, see the number 1, three times as in 1, 1, 1. Mentally say each number as you see it in your mind.
Now, stand up. Imagine in front of you, a circle, on the ground. Use your actual physical arm and make the motion of drawing the circle on the ground.
Look at the circle and thing of it as a place where ANYTHING can be made possible. Where anything can be made real. Where anything can be created. Then step into it.
Ok. Now, imagine that situation where you want to be more confident and powerful with women. See the image of how you would look when you are that confident. See yourself acting, talking, standing, moving and feeling as you would like to.
This is your disassociated image.
Using Your Associated Imagery
Now, take a step forward and imagine you are actually stepping into the image so you are walking, breathing, talking from that place. See what you would actually see from you own eyes if you were there. Feel what you would feel.
Now, for an extra boost of confidence, step outside yourself and step into the woman you are meeting. Imagine you are looking at yourself through her eyes, feeling how excited she feels to meet you, hearing her voice in her head saying, "Wow..this guy is hot."
Finally step back out of her and see your confident,
powerful self again, disassociated. Mentally give yourself a command that this self will be there for you, with all the qualities, behaviors, insights, attitudes and timing you need for total success with women.
Key #3 The Power Of Letting It Go
Once you've done your mental rehearsal and visualization for the day, you must dismiss it from you mind and LET IT GO.
Too often, we are taught that to get something we really want or a change we really want in ourselves, we have to constantly think about it, keeping our "goal" in the front of our mind.
In fact, this over-motivation is a load of crap that just keeps people stuck.
You have to find the proper level of motivation to create change, and that involves knowing when to just dismiss it from your mind and let it go.
It's sort of like baking cookies in an oven (here we go with baking analogies again; first it was recipes, now it's cookies!). If you put the dough in the oven but keep opening the oven door every 30 seconds to check if the cookies are done, they will never get finished!
In fact, this constant thinking if you are progressing or not or if it is working is just another form of doubt. You see, "hope" and "doubt" are really the same thing. They both involve uncertainty.
Once you've done your mental rehearsal, you need to let it go. Just release it, relax and know it will be there for you in the real world.
Ok. I think I've already over-loaded you a bit. Next issue, I will take you through an actual, structured, guided-visualization/mental rehearsal that you can learn to do on a daily basis to super-charge your confidence, power and success with women.
Til then,
Peace and Piece,
Ross
P.S. No matter where you may be with your success with women, you can always break through and make huge leaps and jumps. I've seen it with my students, time and again.
To watch a student make his breakthrough, just go here:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj180.asp
Remember, where ever you have been with women, up to now, is has been based on what you were taught, what you knew how to do, up until now, with the tools you had at your disposal.
Given new tools, new ways of operating, new ways of thinking, you can and WILL do better, much better. I've seen it with students, THOUSANDS of times. So jump on over to http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
and get your Home Study Course right now!
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Monday, March 8, 2010
How To Overcome Anxiety And Fear With Women
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
One of the most common scenarios students present me with is this:
"I do fine if I am introduced to women or already know them. But walking up to a stranger, dead cold, in any situation, scares the bejezus out of me. I just cannot do it. What can I do to resolve this?"
Over the years, I have seen this question or variations on it more times than I can count. If you have felt shy, anxious or even afraid of women, especially beautiful ones, I can assure you that you are far from alone. In fact, I would have to say that fear and shyness around women is so common among men, it's close to being an epidemic.
Now, this "fear factor" can strike guys at different stages. For most, it has to do with the initial approach/ice breaking. For a few guys, approaching is easy, but they freeze up when it comes time to making that serious physical pass. Wherever you may be having your "fear" or "shyness" or "freezing" problem, the good news is that there are powerful solutions to this that can get you going rapidly in the direction you want, without fear, shyness or shame.
I am here to tell you that you can rapidly overcome all of this, just as thousands of guys I have taught have done. I can also assure you that this kind of fear effects guys from all walks of life, from rich to poor, from unathletic dudes to even former U.S Special Forces soldiers. Yes, I mean guys who would have no problem jumping from planes, running through mind fields and dodging bullets have flat out told me, face to face, women scare them silly. The good news, this can all be rapidly overcome with some awareness of how you are producing your shyness and fear and a little retraining of your mind.
Your Fear Is Not A "Thing"
Here is why: "fear" and "shyness" or "hesitation" are not THINGS that happen to you even though it may seem that way.
Remember we spoke in a previous issue about how a woman's "feelings" don't just happen to her by some mysterious magic, but are the result of a recipe or process she runs on herself?
It's the same for any kind of feelings, positive or
negative, that anyone experiences.
Remember this rule for personal change; whatever it is that is troubling you, has a structure and a process, and that it means it can be changed, and even blown apart.
You don't have a bunch of "fear" or "shyness" or
"hesitation" fluid running through your body, like transmission fluid in a car that some mind mechanic has to drain out so you can then be "confident". "Fear" or "shyness" or "hesitation" are internal mental processes that you DO to yourself.
You don't HAVE "shyness". You DO "shyness", usually so
quickly and outside of your awareness of how you are doing it that it seems like something that is just happening to you.
I repeat it again: all humans have their "recipes"-
internal mental processes they do to themselves that produce the final resulting "feelings" of fear, confidence, assurance, calm, etc. So you too have some internal "recipe" that produces your shyness, or hesitation or fear. .
This means that by changing one or more of the elements of your recipe-how you are talking to yourself, what you are visualizing, the flow of energy in your body or your posture and breathing, the resulting "feelings" that come out the other end can be rapidly and radically changed, even if you have suffered from them for a lifetime!
Here's A Method Guaranteed To Work!
We'll examine how to do this in detail, but I want to talk about the most powerful and easily shifted element of any internal "fear" recipe. It's one that most people never even consider, but I will explain not only how to use it to immediately rid yourself of all fear and nervousness around women, but also the science behind it so you will know WHY it works.
I'm talking about the power of your breath. You can look at your breath as the single key ingredient for controlling and designing your state of mind with women. Why is this? Simply because the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response-that rushing of adrenaline that makes you shake, get short of breath, feel jumpy and want to run from a woman, or just get passive and withdraw-that part of the brain is intimately linked to your breath.
Put simply, you cannot go into the "flight or fight"
response if you learn to control your breath. Control the breath in any situation and you will remain calm; if you've studied any kind of martial arts, you already know this. By controlling your breath and cutting off the fight-flight mechanism, you activate the creative and adaptive layer of your brain, the layer of the brain that is relatively new in terms of evolution.
This layer of your brain can is the same part that helps you think on your feet, adapt to the situation in front of you, remember to try new behaviors, etc. It's also the part of your brain that lets you come up with exactly the right move or exactly the right thing to say an hour after the woman has walked away and you've already calmed down! We want you calmed down, immediately, so you can take advantage of and enjoy the new skills we'll teach you to succeed in every situation! Is this all making sense?
Can you now imagine the power of remaining totally calm, relaxed, confident and secure, in every situation with women?
Now, please remember, this is a practice. Retraining the brain takes some focus, discipline, repetition and time, but it can be done. So do this as a practice, ten minutes a day, every day, for at least the next 2-3 weeks and get ready to enjoy the results you will feel!
A Breath Practice To Destroy All Fear With Women
The first thing I want you to do is take a deep, deep breath in through your nose. Do it right now as you read this. As you breathe in, do it by expanding your rib cage and imagine you are breathing into the center of your chest. Complete the inhale by expanding your belly and pushing it out. Now hold the breath for a just a moment. Begin exhaling, also through your nose. This time, when you exhale, pull your belly toward your spine. Empty your lungs of air and at the end of the exhale, pause for just a
moment. Notice how you can feel that calm moment of silence at the end of the inhale and the end of the exhale.
Ok. Here comes the piece we want to add in. This will really help totally disrupt your fear response. Take another inhale, just like last time, through the nose. This time, as you do, imagine there is a soft line of energy moving down the front of your body and imagine it pooling in the space between your belly button and your pubic bone. In the martial arts, this place is known as the hara, or t'an t'ien. Imagine it swirling there in a clockwise or counter clockwise direction. Either way will work.
When you are finished inhaling, hold the breath for just a moment and feel the calm and silence. Now, when you exhale (through the nose), pull your belly toward your spine and imagine a strong line of energy-an energy of strong will and intent-moving from the small of your back, up your spine and straight out through the top of your head. Feel the strength up your spine and your clarity of mine when you do this strong exhale.
Please note here, when I say "imagine energy" what you ought to do is see some kind of color or feel some kind of feeling-like warmth or heat or tingling, or even a combination of both. It doesn't have to be vivid or super-real; just an idea that this is happening will do.
The keys here: when you inhale, the energy you feel or imagine is soft and relaxed and moves down the front of the body. Almost like a feather brushing the surface of your skin. You imagine it gathering, pooling and swirling in the space between your belly button and pubic pone. When you exhale, the energy going up the spine is inside your body, in your spine, rather than on the surface of the skin. And it is strong AND calm. A relaxed determination. By the way, energetically speaking, this is what women mean when they say they want a guy with "backbone"!!)
They are using a metaphor to describe something that is quite "energetically "real) When you really feel this calm, relaxed, determined feeling, put the fingertip of the first finger of your right hand on the tip of your thumb and touch it gently. As the feelings increase, increase the pressure of the fingertip against the tip of your thumb. You have now created a "calm/confident' anchor for yourself, so when you find yourself in a real world situation with women that's a bit scary, simply do one of the breath cycles (inhale and exhale) as you place your thumb and finger tip together. Increase the pressure of fingertip against thumb to increase the feelings of calm, confident power. I want you to practice this breathing for 10 minutes a day, sitting comfortably or standing.
Ok. Once again, I've overloaded you with information (you should see me at one of my 3 day seminars!). Once again, print this newsletter out, take some time to study it, and re-read it a couple of times again!
Till next issue,
Piece and Peace,
Ross
P.S. Want to wipe out your fear of women in minutes? Check out my new Fear Into Charisma video (with free viewable clips) at
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj180.asp
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
One of the most common scenarios students present me with is this:
"I do fine if I am introduced to women or already know them. But walking up to a stranger, dead cold, in any situation, scares the bejezus out of me. I just cannot do it. What can I do to resolve this?"
Over the years, I have seen this question or variations on it more times than I can count. If you have felt shy, anxious or even afraid of women, especially beautiful ones, I can assure you that you are far from alone. In fact, I would have to say that fear and shyness around women is so common among men, it's close to being an epidemic.
Now, this "fear factor" can strike guys at different stages. For most, it has to do with the initial approach/ice breaking. For a few guys, approaching is easy, but they freeze up when it comes time to making that serious physical pass. Wherever you may be having your "fear" or "shyness" or "freezing" problem, the good news is that there are powerful solutions to this that can get you going rapidly in the direction you want, without fear, shyness or shame.
I am here to tell you that you can rapidly overcome all of this, just as thousands of guys I have taught have done. I can also assure you that this kind of fear effects guys from all walks of life, from rich to poor, from unathletic dudes to even former U.S Special Forces soldiers. Yes, I mean guys who would have no problem jumping from planes, running through mind fields and dodging bullets have flat out told me, face to face, women scare them silly. The good news, this can all be rapidly overcome with some awareness of how you are producing your shyness and fear and a little retraining of your mind.
Your Fear Is Not A "Thing"
Here is why: "fear" and "shyness" or "hesitation" are not THINGS that happen to you even though it may seem that way.
Remember we spoke in a previous issue about how a woman's "feelings" don't just happen to her by some mysterious magic, but are the result of a recipe or process she runs on herself?
It's the same for any kind of feelings, positive or
negative, that anyone experiences.
Remember this rule for personal change; whatever it is that is troubling you, has a structure and a process, and that it means it can be changed, and even blown apart.
You don't have a bunch of "fear" or "shyness" or
"hesitation" fluid running through your body, like transmission fluid in a car that some mind mechanic has to drain out so you can then be "confident". "Fear" or "shyness" or "hesitation" are internal mental processes that you DO to yourself.
You don't HAVE "shyness". You DO "shyness", usually so
quickly and outside of your awareness of how you are doing it that it seems like something that is just happening to you.
I repeat it again: all humans have their "recipes"-
internal mental processes they do to themselves that produce the final resulting "feelings" of fear, confidence, assurance, calm, etc. So you too have some internal "recipe" that produces your shyness, or hesitation or fear. .
This means that by changing one or more of the elements of your recipe-how you are talking to yourself, what you are visualizing, the flow of energy in your body or your posture and breathing, the resulting "feelings" that come out the other end can be rapidly and radically changed, even if you have suffered from them for a lifetime!
Here's A Method Guaranteed To Work!
We'll examine how to do this in detail, but I want to talk about the most powerful and easily shifted element of any internal "fear" recipe. It's one that most people never even consider, but I will explain not only how to use it to immediately rid yourself of all fear and nervousness around women, but also the science behind it so you will know WHY it works.
I'm talking about the power of your breath. You can look at your breath as the single key ingredient for controlling and designing your state of mind with women. Why is this? Simply because the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response-that rushing of adrenaline that makes you shake, get short of breath, feel jumpy and want to run from a woman, or just get passive and withdraw-that part of the brain is intimately linked to your breath.
Put simply, you cannot go into the "flight or fight"
response if you learn to control your breath. Control the breath in any situation and you will remain calm; if you've studied any kind of martial arts, you already know this. By controlling your breath and cutting off the fight-flight mechanism, you activate the creative and adaptive layer of your brain, the layer of the brain that is relatively new in terms of evolution.
This layer of your brain can is the same part that helps you think on your feet, adapt to the situation in front of you, remember to try new behaviors, etc. It's also the part of your brain that lets you come up with exactly the right move or exactly the right thing to say an hour after the woman has walked away and you've already calmed down! We want you calmed down, immediately, so you can take advantage of and enjoy the new skills we'll teach you to succeed in every situation! Is this all making sense?
Can you now imagine the power of remaining totally calm, relaxed, confident and secure, in every situation with women?
Now, please remember, this is a practice. Retraining the brain takes some focus, discipline, repetition and time, but it can be done. So do this as a practice, ten minutes a day, every day, for at least the next 2-3 weeks and get ready to enjoy the results you will feel!
A Breath Practice To Destroy All Fear With Women
The first thing I want you to do is take a deep, deep breath in through your nose. Do it right now as you read this. As you breathe in, do it by expanding your rib cage and imagine you are breathing into the center of your chest. Complete the inhale by expanding your belly and pushing it out. Now hold the breath for a just a moment. Begin exhaling, also through your nose. This time, when you exhale, pull your belly toward your spine. Empty your lungs of air and at the end of the exhale, pause for just a
moment. Notice how you can feel that calm moment of silence at the end of the inhale and the end of the exhale.
Ok. Here comes the piece we want to add in. This will really help totally disrupt your fear response. Take another inhale, just like last time, through the nose. This time, as you do, imagine there is a soft line of energy moving down the front of your body and imagine it pooling in the space between your belly button and your pubic bone. In the martial arts, this place is known as the hara, or t'an t'ien. Imagine it swirling there in a clockwise or counter clockwise direction. Either way will work.
When you are finished inhaling, hold the breath for just a moment and feel the calm and silence. Now, when you exhale (through the nose), pull your belly toward your spine and imagine a strong line of energy-an energy of strong will and intent-moving from the small of your back, up your spine and straight out through the top of your head. Feel the strength up your spine and your clarity of mine when you do this strong exhale.
Please note here, when I say "imagine energy" what you ought to do is see some kind of color or feel some kind of feeling-like warmth or heat or tingling, or even a combination of both. It doesn't have to be vivid or super-real; just an idea that this is happening will do.
The keys here: when you inhale, the energy you feel or imagine is soft and relaxed and moves down the front of the body. Almost like a feather brushing the surface of your skin. You imagine it gathering, pooling and swirling in the space between your belly button and pubic pone. When you exhale, the energy going up the spine is inside your body, in your spine, rather than on the surface of the skin. And it is strong AND calm. A relaxed determination. By the way, energetically speaking, this is what women mean when they say they want a guy with "backbone"!!)
They are using a metaphor to describe something that is quite "energetically "real) When you really feel this calm, relaxed, determined feeling, put the fingertip of the first finger of your right hand on the tip of your thumb and touch it gently. As the feelings increase, increase the pressure of the fingertip against the tip of your thumb. You have now created a "calm/confident' anchor for yourself, so when you find yourself in a real world situation with women that's a bit scary, simply do one of the breath cycles (inhale and exhale) as you place your thumb and finger tip together. Increase the pressure of fingertip against thumb to increase the feelings of calm, confident power. I want you to practice this breathing for 10 minutes a day, sitting comfortably or standing.
Ok. Once again, I've overloaded you with information (you should see me at one of my 3 day seminars!). Once again, print this newsletter out, take some time to study it, and re-read it a couple of times again!
Till next issue,
Piece and Peace,
Ross
P.S. Want to wipe out your fear of women in minutes? Check out my new Fear Into Charisma video (with free viewable clips) at
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj180.asp
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
What To Do When She's Cold On The Phone
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
Recently, I received the following email from a
member of the on-line Speed Seduction® discussion group. (Yes, we actually offer round the clock, 24 hour encouragement, advice on support with and for thousands of Home Study course owners around the world! How's that for backing up our clients and our products?)
Anyway, he asks about an important issue: what happens when a woman who was initially warm to you, suddenly turns cold on that first follow up phone call? Many guys blow this "test" and wind up walking away from some potentially awesome women and fun, fulfilling relationships. So let's hear what he has to say:
Hey All, After learning SS for four months, I have gotten some pretty exciting results, specifically people react to me in a completely different way. I am able to get rapport and talk to women easily. Also, when I do two brothers, the ideal relationship (put it in my three fingers and eat it) and the energy demo, I generate attraction. I have gotten good at this and at generating big interest as well.
I met a girl at the coffee shop. After meeting her and talking for a long time (like an hour) and running a bunch of patterns, two brothers, energy demo, self pointing, massaging the back of her neck, etc. I got her really going. She was having fun, she like me, rapport etc. She wanted to give me her number and I get it.
But when I called her back two days later she was not interested in meeting. When I call her, what is the best way to take her back to our last meeting? What are the best things to say to make her go back to those states? What are the best things to do during our first meeting to make sure that she will want to meet up with me in the next few days? What is the best message I can leave to make her call me back and want to meet? (This assumes we can't just change venue. Of course changing the venue instead of getting her number is better.)
Thanks,
G.
Good question, G.
Sometimes, people change their minds. It can be for ANY reason. You can do EVERYTHING perfect and still you will not get the girl; you will get good practice and a chance to polish your resourcefulness.
I also can't tell whether you got her on the phone or left a message, so PLEASE clarify and maybe I can help further.
Generally, if women are polite but seem disinterested, my response is, "Hey, no problem, no strings. I just thought you could REMEMBER THE FUN TIME WE HAD...and IMAGINE ENJOYING MORE..but, best to you, you have a good one."
No bitterness. No fear. No rancor. Just, ok, guess you just didn't get it or maybe you are just having a bad day.
Now, it is a DIFFERENT story if she is rude, and ice cold when I call. I've had THAT happen too, and it can be a shock when it is such a turn around from the first responses she had at the first meeting. Then my sponse is: "Wow...what a rude, cold way to have to PRETEND to be. Have a good day".
Then hang up. If she's just being defensive or insecure you've given her a chance to apologize and come round. Notice the word "pretend" which implies you think she's not really this way, but capable of better.
Understand, some women are super-moody. Some have an initial interest, but their fears of intimacy or their frozen nature just takes over. Some just think they are entitled to treat the world like crap. If she calls you back with anything other than an apologetic tone, hang up on her and write her off. Trust me, you don't need the trouble or bother. Move on with the gift of your
skills and find someone more fun, more pleasure, less bother.
Make sense?
For you at home, reading this, understand that an
important, but often neglected part of learning success with women is SCREENING. Learning to look for what you want and also what you will not put up with, and then sticking to you guns.
I will put up with women being ordinary humans, and, like all of us, having bad moods and bad days. That's just being wise and using your compassion.
I will NOT put up with women who are perpetually
frozen, emotionally cold, think they are God's gift to
men, have wild and frequent mood swings, etc
Remember as you move up the learning curve with
Speed Seduction®, YOU HAVE A GREAT GIFT TO OFFER. Don't give it or continue to offer it to those who rip off the wrapping only to use it for toilet paper.
Peace and piece,
Ross Jeffries
P.S. To enjoy incredible seduction mastery, learn
just what you need to, in order to have power, choice AND incredible self-respect with women, check out your Speed Seduction Home Study course right now. Remember you get unprecedented 24 hour customer support, advice and encouragement at the online discussion group when you BECOME A HOME STUDY COURSE OWNER TODAY. Just click here:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
P.P.S. Already have a HSC and want a recommendation for a hot follow up product? Check out the amazing, hot off the press, Advanced Irresistible Arousal DVD:
http://www.seduction.com/products/rj183.asp
RJ
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Recently, I received the following email from a
member of the on-line Speed Seduction® discussion group. (Yes, we actually offer round the clock, 24 hour encouragement, advice on support with and for thousands of Home Study course owners around the world! How's that for backing up our clients and our products?)
Anyway, he asks about an important issue: what happens when a woman who was initially warm to you, suddenly turns cold on that first follow up phone call? Many guys blow this "test" and wind up walking away from some potentially awesome women and fun, fulfilling relationships. So let's hear what he has to say:
Hey All, After learning SS for four months, I have gotten some pretty exciting results, specifically people react to me in a completely different way. I am able to get rapport and talk to women easily. Also, when I do two brothers, the ideal relationship (put it in my three fingers and eat it) and the energy demo, I generate attraction. I have gotten good at this and at generating big interest as well.
I met a girl at the coffee shop. After meeting her and talking for a long time (like an hour) and running a bunch of patterns, two brothers, energy demo, self pointing, massaging the back of her neck, etc. I got her really going. She was having fun, she like me, rapport etc. She wanted to give me her number and I get it.
But when I called her back two days later she was not interested in meeting. When I call her, what is the best way to take her back to our last meeting? What are the best things to say to make her go back to those states? What are the best things to do during our first meeting to make sure that she will want to meet up with me in the next few days? What is the best message I can leave to make her call me back and want to meet? (This assumes we can't just change venue. Of course changing the venue instead of getting her number is better.)
Thanks,
G.
Good question, G.
Sometimes, people change their minds. It can be for ANY reason. You can do EVERYTHING perfect and still you will not get the girl; you will get good practice and a chance to polish your resourcefulness.
I also can't tell whether you got her on the phone or left a message, so PLEASE clarify and maybe I can help further.
Generally, if women are polite but seem disinterested, my response is, "Hey, no problem, no strings. I just thought you could REMEMBER THE FUN TIME WE HAD...and IMAGINE ENJOYING MORE..but, best to you, you have a good one."
No bitterness. No fear. No rancor. Just, ok, guess you just didn't get it or maybe you are just having a bad day.
Now, it is a DIFFERENT story if she is rude, and ice cold when I call. I've had THAT happen too, and it can be a shock when it is such a turn around from the first responses she had at the first meeting. Then my sponse is: "Wow...what a rude, cold way to have to PRETEND to be. Have a good day".
Then hang up. If she's just being defensive or insecure you've given her a chance to apologize and come round. Notice the word "pretend" which implies you think she's not really this way, but capable of better.
Understand, some women are super-moody. Some have an initial interest, but their fears of intimacy or their frozen nature just takes over. Some just think they are entitled to treat the world like crap. If she calls you back with anything other than an apologetic tone, hang up on her and write her off. Trust me, you don't need the trouble or bother. Move on with the gift of your
skills and find someone more fun, more pleasure, less bother.
Make sense?
For you at home, reading this, understand that an
important, but often neglected part of learning success with women is SCREENING. Learning to look for what you want and also what you will not put up with, and then sticking to you guns.
I will put up with women being ordinary humans, and, like all of us, having bad moods and bad days. That's just being wise and using your compassion.
I will NOT put up with women who are perpetually
frozen, emotionally cold, think they are God's gift to
men, have wild and frequent mood swings, etc
Remember as you move up the learning curve with
Speed Seduction®, YOU HAVE A GREAT GIFT TO OFFER. Don't give it or continue to offer it to those who rip off the wrapping only to use it for toilet paper.
Peace and piece,
Ross Jeffries
P.S. To enjoy incredible seduction mastery, learn
just what you need to, in order to have power, choice AND incredible self-respect with women, check out your Speed Seduction Home Study course right now. Remember you get unprecedented 24 hour customer support, advice and encouragement at the online discussion group when you BECOME A HOME STUDY COURSE OWNER TODAY. Just click here:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
P.P.S. Already have a HSC and want a recommendation for a hot follow up product? Check out the amazing, hot off the press, Advanced Irresistible Arousal DVD:
http://www.seduction.com/products/rj183.asp
RJ
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Monday, February 22, 2010
What To Say To Meet Women ANYWHERE!
Dear Speed Seduction(R) Student,
Today I received the following question in email:
*****************************************************
I was wondering Ross, if you can suggest some icebreakers or opening lines to initiate conversations with? Like when you see an attractive girl and you want to approach her but you're not sure what to say. You want to say something but you're not sure what and then you think about it to long and its to late!
You know something comfortable that girls will smile at and want to keep the conversation going instead of us constantly talking.
I want her to say something after I initiate it so we can see if there is some chemistry there or not. And being able to get past "Hi"..You know what I mean? Are there some opening lines you can suggest I can use the next time I go out that are appealing? That way I will be armed with some ice breakers and will lead to getting to know someone hopefully.
Could you please let me know at your earliest convenience?
Thank you. Dimitrios
************************************************
Ok. For Dimitrios and all of you reading this:
This all depends on where you find yourself and what you see the girl doing.
This makes sense, doesn't it?
If you want a line that works in every circumstance, in every situation, no matter where you find yourself, and what the girl is doing, I guess you could go,
Hi..I noticed you here and realized if I didn't say something....I'd never get to find out what you're like..other than what I already know.
When she says, "What do you know?"
You say, "That you seem like you'd be cool and fun to talk to. I'm...YOUR NAME HERE".
You see, knowing what to SAY to a woman is utterly and totally dependent on WHAT YOU CAN OBSERVE ABOUT THAT WOMAN.
It's not so much a matter of what to say.
No, the real secret of "opening" women is, knowing what to observe, knowing what to notice, and even KNOWING WHAT TO GET CURIOUS ABOUT.
Does that make sense?
Also, the approach to opening her might differ a bit if she is at a coffee house, quietly studying, as opposed to in a loud restaurant or party, right?
Why?
Because the CONTEXT she is in and what you NOTICE about her is going to be different.
If she's studying, and you notice that she's having a hard time; thinking really hard, talking to herself out loud or just thinking "OUTLOUD" in her head, it would NOT make sense to walk up and ask her opinion about the great band that is playing or where she bought her cool bicycle.
So, I will say it again.
The most important thing, first and foremost, is NOT what you say, but the context she is in, and what you can observe about her and the setting she is in.
Now, many guys ask me about compliments. Should I give them? Is it a good way to first "open up" talking to a woman? If so, what should I compliment?
Ok. I'll repeat: it depends on the context, where she is, what she is doing, and what you NOTICE and can OBSERVE.
Look: whether it is opening her by using a compliment, or asking her a question about something, or making a comment about something she's doing or something going on in the environment, I will ask myself the same question, "What can I notice about this person that I can use to make a connection?"
Now, let's say I notice something about her that I DO find worth complimenting. My rules for complimenting are as follows:
1. NO sexual content in the compliments. That means I don't compliment on her great boobs, great legs, great butt, etc. No woman(no half-way SANE woman) wants a drooling lecher.
2. All compliments to be delivered with good eye contact in fact, ANY openers are delivered this way) with a smile on my face AND in my eyes( I sort of make them twinkle a bit) and delivered with a MATTER of fact voice tone.
This means I don't overdo it with my tone of voice. The compliment is delivered, matter of fact, with no concern on my part whether she will accept it, reject it or anything in between.
It is NOT about her accepting or rejecting what I say. It is ONLY about me wanting to say what I have to say, and any response she has is OK WITH ME.
Really, this is about the sub -text. This means, you see, that there is the surface message, the actual words I say. Those can be important.
But the sub-text is the unspoken or implied message I am delivering about me and how I walk through the world; that ***I*** take full responsibility for how I feel about myself, my situation, the events and circumstances in my life, and I don't need anyone to approve or validate my message.
Now, trust me. When you come from THAT place, and add in a touch of humor....
Almost Anything You Say Will Get A Good Response!
Notice something else. This is a great but different KIND of confidence. It's not the kind of confidence that say, loudly, "I KNOW I AM GOING TO GET WHAT I WANT".
It's more of a, "If I get what I want, that's fine and good, and if not, that's ok too. I'm having fun regardless".
Ok. Back to compliments then.
I prefer to compliment women on the following things:
1. How they carry themselves or how they move. I enjoy a woman who moves beautifully and/or who has great posture. I will tell them so, as follows, "I just wanted to tell....I think you have perfect.......posture. You just carry yourself beautifully."
Notice the ....... This indicates a pause in your speaking. I don't run everythingtogetherintoonesentencelikethis.
No. I take....my....time. I pause, right before I tell them what I am going to tell them, so they will get curious about what I am going to say, and therefore be more receptive.
The pauses in the music are as much a part of the music as the notes, to use a metaphor.
2. How they are dressed. I like to compliment on style. So I will say, "I just wanted to tell you...I admire women with class and style...so I had to say "hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE."
Note that this is what I call an IMPLIED compliment. I didn't' directly tell her I think SHE has class and style. I said I admire women with class and style, so I had to say "hi". That IMPLIES that I think she has class and style.
Why is this important?
Well, by implying the compliment, she has to use her imagination to interpret what you meant.
Imagination is an ACTIVE process, and so she doesn't resist the message, as she herself has to take an active hand in creating it!
Implied compliments are very useful in slipping past any resistance or skepticism to your message!
This, of course, is part of the number #1 rule in Speed Seduction®: Use your imagination to capture and lead a woman's imagination and emotions!
3. I will compliment on their "energy". I know this is a New Age, California kind of thing, but women are into "energy" or "vibes". It doesn't matter if you believe in it or not-although I hope one day you will.
The important thing is, MOST women believe in it.
So if I notice a woman has a calm, radiant, happy demeanor, I will say, ""I just wanted to tell you.....I think you have..a beautiful....energy about you, and it just made me have to say "hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE".
Ok. Another major way to meet women is to say something funny; make an observation or comment that is humorous, based on something you can observe.
Now, again, I can't give you a "one line fits all" example, because again, it's based on what you are observing in the actual situation. So you will have to observe her, asking, "What can I notice that I can use to make a connection?".
Next, ask yourself, "How can I phrase that in a clever, funny way that gets attention and makes her laugh?"
This takes some practice. But you can get good at it.
Now, again, I hesitate to give word for word examples, because it depends on what you observe. But let me give you just a couple I have used.
One day, as I sat having coffee, this woman walked into the Coffee B*** and T** L***, a local coffee house chain. I noticed immediately that:
1. She had purple hair 2. She had purple fingernails 3. She had purple eye shadow 4. She had purple lipstick 5. She was wearing purple gym clothes 6. She had purple shoes (Yes, I wondered if her PANTIES were purple, but I didn't ask!)
Now, I could have just made a straight comment/observation, as in, "Wow. I see you like the color purple".
Instead, I chose to be funny. I said, "Hmmm..excuse me...but I'm getting a psychic message about you from the spirit world.
Yes...yes..it's a bit fuzzy..hold on..hold on! Yes, the spirits are telling me..YOU LIKE..THE COLOR....PURPLE.
Now, she busted out laughing and that started the conversation.
nother time, I was with a friend in a restaurant/coffee place and we noticed this very cute Asian girl studying her text book so hard, her ears were about to start smoking. She was obviously having a hard time understanding it, talking to herself out loud and then obviously talking to herself in her head.
We sat at the table near her and I said, "Excuse me..can I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker and my friend and I have something very important to discuss."
Now, at that point, she busted up laughing and joined in our conversation.
So again; I can provide examples with this kind of opener. And I can tell you how to come up with your own. But you are going to have to match your opener to what you actually see and observe about her-does that make sense?
Here Are Some Approaches I Do NOT Recommend-
1. Asking her the time, or for directions. It's trite, lame, and then where do you go from there? If you are terribly shy and can't even talk to women, ok, you can start here. But learn to do something else quickly.
2. Being insulting or in any way rude. I don't care what you might have heard. Insulting a woman is stupid. Any woman with choice is just going to move on. If she's kind, she won't insult you back. If she isn't, she just might give a verbal tongue lashing, and that's not the kind of tongue action you want!
3. Invading her space when I meet her. Once I make my initial opening, tell her my name, shake her hand; I then actually take a step back, away from her, to give her back her space.
Women tell me that, to them, it demonstrates respect. It also indicates that, while I am strong enough to come up and meet them, I am also concerned with their safety, and they like that combination. And finally, it indicates a challenge: just because she gave me a good initial response to my opener, doesn't mean she has me! It establishes a challenge, right away.
In any case, whatever approaches you use, bear in mind one more thing I teach my students: 90% of the time, the worst that can happen is NOTHING will happen.
The image of the cold, cruel, rejecting, vicious "bitch"
really exists pretty much only in the movies. Most women, if they aren't interested (and most actually do respond positively to a sincere, fun approach, even if they don't get romantically interested) just won't do anything.
They won't yell.
They won't shoot a dirty look.
They won't hit you or call the cops or the bouncer.
Most, if they just aren't interested, simply WON'T RESPOND.
So get this: the worst that can happen is NOTHING WILL
HAPPEN.
Repeat after me: THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IS: NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.
I've approached thousands of women, literally. In all that
time, maybe 5 instances have I ever been yelled at or have women had something truly vicious to say. And in those cases, I just chalked it up to something that had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
Maybe they were having a terrible day. Maybe their boyfriends beat or abused them. Who knows?
I know if I approach someone in a fun, non-threatening, and sincere way, and they are STILL mean, THEY are the ones with the problem.
Again, this means it has to be ok with you if you don't
"win" all the time. Or better still; define winning as having fun, polishing your skill, and learning SOMETHING about the person you are going to meet. That's within the power and ability of EVERY person, and most of the time, you learn something quite pleasant.
Ok. Enough on this. Hope this helps. I've shot a video
series on this and am in the process of editing it. I WILL
ANNOUNCE WHEN IT IS READY, so please don't call the office and bug them about it, OK? They get cranky about that kind of thing and I'm all about...
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. You can have all the success with women you've ever wanted right now, by going to:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
P.P.S. You can start meeting women, anytime, anywhere
and never worry about what to say:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj185.asp
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
Today I received the following question in email:
*****************************************************
I was wondering Ross, if you can suggest some icebreakers or opening lines to initiate conversations with? Like when you see an attractive girl and you want to approach her but you're not sure what to say. You want to say something but you're not sure what and then you think about it to long and its to late!
You know something comfortable that girls will smile at and want to keep the conversation going instead of us constantly talking.
I want her to say something after I initiate it so we can see if there is some chemistry there or not. And being able to get past "Hi"..You know what I mean? Are there some opening lines you can suggest I can use the next time I go out that are appealing? That way I will be armed with some ice breakers and will lead to getting to know someone hopefully.
Could you please let me know at your earliest convenience?
Thank you. Dimitrios
************************************************
Ok. For Dimitrios and all of you reading this:
This all depends on where you find yourself and what you see the girl doing.
This makes sense, doesn't it?
If you want a line that works in every circumstance, in every situation, no matter where you find yourself, and what the girl is doing, I guess you could go,
Hi..I noticed you here and realized if I didn't say something....I'd never get to find out what you're like..other than what I already know.
When she says, "What do you know?"
You say, "That you seem like you'd be cool and fun to talk to. I'm...YOUR NAME HERE".
You see, knowing what to SAY to a woman is utterly and totally dependent on WHAT YOU CAN OBSERVE ABOUT THAT WOMAN.
It's not so much a matter of what to say.
No, the real secret of "opening" women is, knowing what to observe, knowing what to notice, and even KNOWING WHAT TO GET CURIOUS ABOUT.
Does that make sense?
Also, the approach to opening her might differ a bit if she is at a coffee house, quietly studying, as opposed to in a loud restaurant or party, right?
Why?
Because the CONTEXT she is in and what you NOTICE about her is going to be different.
If she's studying, and you notice that she's having a hard time; thinking really hard, talking to herself out loud or just thinking "OUTLOUD" in her head, it would NOT make sense to walk up and ask her opinion about the great band that is playing or where she bought her cool bicycle.
So, I will say it again.
The most important thing, first and foremost, is NOT what you say, but the context she is in, and what you can observe about her and the setting she is in.
Now, many guys ask me about compliments. Should I give them? Is it a good way to first "open up" talking to a woman? If so, what should I compliment?
Ok. I'll repeat: it depends on the context, where she is, what she is doing, and what you NOTICE and can OBSERVE.
Look: whether it is opening her by using a compliment, or asking her a question about something, or making a comment about something she's doing or something going on in the environment, I will ask myself the same question, "What can I notice about this person that I can use to make a connection?"
Now, let's say I notice something about her that I DO find worth complimenting. My rules for complimenting are as follows:
1. NO sexual content in the compliments. That means I don't compliment on her great boobs, great legs, great butt, etc. No woman(no half-way SANE woman) wants a drooling lecher.
2. All compliments to be delivered with good eye contact in fact, ANY openers are delivered this way) with a smile on my face AND in my eyes( I sort of make them twinkle a bit) and delivered with a MATTER of fact voice tone.
This means I don't overdo it with my tone of voice. The compliment is delivered, matter of fact, with no concern on my part whether she will accept it, reject it or anything in between.
It is NOT about her accepting or rejecting what I say. It is ONLY about me wanting to say what I have to say, and any response she has is OK WITH ME.
Really, this is about the sub -text. This means, you see, that there is the surface message, the actual words I say. Those can be important.
But the sub-text is the unspoken or implied message I am delivering about me and how I walk through the world; that ***I*** take full responsibility for how I feel about myself, my situation, the events and circumstances in my life, and I don't need anyone to approve or validate my message.
Now, trust me. When you come from THAT place, and add in a touch of humor....
Almost Anything You Say Will Get A Good Response!
Notice something else. This is a great but different KIND of confidence. It's not the kind of confidence that say, loudly, "I KNOW I AM GOING TO GET WHAT I WANT".
It's more of a, "If I get what I want, that's fine and good, and if not, that's ok too. I'm having fun regardless".
Ok. Back to compliments then.
I prefer to compliment women on the following things:
1. How they carry themselves or how they move. I enjoy a woman who moves beautifully and/or who has great posture. I will tell them so, as follows, "I just wanted to tell....I think you have perfect.......posture. You just carry yourself beautifully."
Notice the ....... This indicates a pause in your speaking. I don't run everythingtogetherintoonesentencelikethis.
No. I take....my....time. I pause, right before I tell them what I am going to tell them, so they will get curious about what I am going to say, and therefore be more receptive.
The pauses in the music are as much a part of the music as the notes, to use a metaphor.
2. How they are dressed. I like to compliment on style. So I will say, "I just wanted to tell you...I admire women with class and style...so I had to say "hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE."
Note that this is what I call an IMPLIED compliment. I didn't' directly tell her I think SHE has class and style. I said I admire women with class and style, so I had to say "hi". That IMPLIES that I think she has class and style.
Why is this important?
Well, by implying the compliment, she has to use her imagination to interpret what you meant.
Imagination is an ACTIVE process, and so she doesn't resist the message, as she herself has to take an active hand in creating it!
Implied compliments are very useful in slipping past any resistance or skepticism to your message!
This, of course, is part of the number #1 rule in Speed Seduction®: Use your imagination to capture and lead a woman's imagination and emotions!
3. I will compliment on their "energy". I know this is a New Age, California kind of thing, but women are into "energy" or "vibes". It doesn't matter if you believe in it or not-although I hope one day you will.
The important thing is, MOST women believe in it.
So if I notice a woman has a calm, radiant, happy demeanor, I will say, ""I just wanted to tell you.....I think you have..a beautiful....energy about you, and it just made me have to say "hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE".
Ok. Another major way to meet women is to say something funny; make an observation or comment that is humorous, based on something you can observe.
Now, again, I can't give you a "one line fits all" example, because again, it's based on what you are observing in the actual situation. So you will have to observe her, asking, "What can I notice that I can use to make a connection?".
Next, ask yourself, "How can I phrase that in a clever, funny way that gets attention and makes her laugh?"
This takes some practice. But you can get good at it.
Now, again, I hesitate to give word for word examples, because it depends on what you observe. But let me give you just a couple I have used.
One day, as I sat having coffee, this woman walked into the Coffee B*** and T** L***, a local coffee house chain. I noticed immediately that:
1. She had purple hair 2. She had purple fingernails 3. She had purple eye shadow 4. She had purple lipstick 5. She was wearing purple gym clothes 6. She had purple shoes (Yes, I wondered if her PANTIES were purple, but I didn't ask!)
Now, I could have just made a straight comment/observation, as in, "Wow. I see you like the color purple".
Instead, I chose to be funny. I said, "Hmmm..excuse me...but I'm getting a psychic message about you from the spirit world.
Yes...yes..it's a bit fuzzy..hold on..hold on! Yes, the spirits are telling me..YOU LIKE..THE COLOR....PURPLE.
Now, she busted out laughing and that started the conversation.
nother time, I was with a friend in a restaurant/coffee place and we noticed this very cute Asian girl studying her text book so hard, her ears were about to start smoking. She was obviously having a hard time understanding it, talking to herself out loud and then obviously talking to herself in her head.
We sat at the table near her and I said, "Excuse me..can I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker and my friend and I have something very important to discuss."
Now, at that point, she busted up laughing and joined in our conversation.
So again; I can provide examples with this kind of opener. And I can tell you how to come up with your own. But you are going to have to match your opener to what you actually see and observe about her-does that make sense?
Here Are Some Approaches I Do NOT Recommend-
1. Asking her the time, or for directions. It's trite, lame, and then where do you go from there? If you are terribly shy and can't even talk to women, ok, you can start here. But learn to do something else quickly.
2. Being insulting or in any way rude. I don't care what you might have heard. Insulting a woman is stupid. Any woman with choice is just going to move on. If she's kind, she won't insult you back. If she isn't, she just might give a verbal tongue lashing, and that's not the kind of tongue action you want!
3. Invading her space when I meet her. Once I make my initial opening, tell her my name, shake her hand; I then actually take a step back, away from her, to give her back her space.
Women tell me that, to them, it demonstrates respect. It also indicates that, while I am strong enough to come up and meet them, I am also concerned with their safety, and they like that combination. And finally, it indicates a challenge: just because she gave me a good initial response to my opener, doesn't mean she has me! It establishes a challenge, right away.
In any case, whatever approaches you use, bear in mind one more thing I teach my students: 90% of the time, the worst that can happen is NOTHING will happen.
The image of the cold, cruel, rejecting, vicious "bitch"
really exists pretty much only in the movies. Most women, if they aren't interested (and most actually do respond positively to a sincere, fun approach, even if they don't get romantically interested) just won't do anything.
They won't yell.
They won't shoot a dirty look.
They won't hit you or call the cops or the bouncer.
Most, if they just aren't interested, simply WON'T RESPOND.
So get this: the worst that can happen is NOTHING WILL
HAPPEN.
Repeat after me: THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IS: NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.
I've approached thousands of women, literally. In all that
time, maybe 5 instances have I ever been yelled at or have women had something truly vicious to say. And in those cases, I just chalked it up to something that had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
Maybe they were having a terrible day. Maybe their boyfriends beat or abused them. Who knows?
I know if I approach someone in a fun, non-threatening, and sincere way, and they are STILL mean, THEY are the ones with the problem.
Again, this means it has to be ok with you if you don't
"win" all the time. Or better still; define winning as having fun, polishing your skill, and learning SOMETHING about the person you are going to meet. That's within the power and ability of EVERY person, and most of the time, you learn something quite pleasant.
Ok. Enough on this. Hope this helps. I've shot a video
series on this and am in the process of editing it. I WILL
ANNOUNCE WHEN IT IS READY, so please don't call the office and bug them about it, OK? They get cranky about that kind of thing and I'm all about...
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. You can have all the success with women you've ever wanted right now, by going to:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp
P.P.S. You can start meeting women, anytime, anywhere
and never worry about what to say:
http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj185.asp
This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.
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